DK Vine Gallery - Donkey Kong Land




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Zombie Diddy Kong's melty face pushed the Super Game Boy to its limits.

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I could've completed it in half the time, dickhead.

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Those levels won't select themselves!

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Some pixels on a screen. It probably makes sense in context.

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Diddy, Rambi and a PAN-DIMENSIONAL BLACK HOLE.

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That awkward moment when EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T A BANANA DISAPPEARS.

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Donkey Kong Land HOLIDAY SPECIAL.

Oh, I dunno, it's got a tree in it.

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The day I see a flying pig is THE DAY I SUCK IT OFF.

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OOH LOOK A WASP.

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Diddy Kong pissing in mid-air.

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Clouds + cave + bananas = ER, A GAME.

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A Kritter, shitting whole bananas on his descent.

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"Yeah, I'll just jump off this ledge. Probably it'll be fine."

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WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

Write in, let us know.

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Diddy, shortly before being vomited on.

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MAGIC BEANSTALK.

Or rope, I dunno, whatever.

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I like nothing more than having massive metal coins launched at my face.

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To be honest, I don't even fucking know.

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Who is the irresponsible fucker who keeps chucking his discarded old car tyres into the middle of a tropical jungle, anyway?

I reckon it's Andrew Marr from off of BBC News. What a cunt.

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To be fair, I also hate coins that don't have my own face on them.

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OW MY HEAD. I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE HIT IT WITH A BRICK.

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Once you get over the novelty of pigs flying, thinking about it, it was probably a bit of a rubbish idea.

Actually, come to think of it, I reckon they can't actually fly at all.

I mean I haven't done any research, I'll have to check.

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Give him enough rope to wank himself off with.

Or hang himself, whatever works.

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Er, some pillars and a levitating Kremling. This is a witty caption.

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KO!

...nope, can't see any possible joke there.

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DK is enjoying this RATHER MORE THAN HE SHOULD.

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GET INSIDE THAT GAPING CAVE, DONKEY.

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It's a slippery slope.

And, er, a barrel and stuff. What do you want from me? INSIGHT??

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What happens in a massive levitating barrel STAYS in a massive levitating barrel.

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Not pictured: the bloke from off of The Police.

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Arr! Hoist ye scurvy landlubber scurvy mainbrace... er... okay, I've run out of Comedy 18th Century Pirate Words.

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What's that big floppy thing flopping around?

It's a stingray, you fucking idiot.

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The justified reward for fish murder.

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The road to success is paved with giant pies.

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I ain't afraid o' no snake.

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Rambi and Kritter, in an intimate moment.

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"Hey Donkey! Check out my MASSIVE COLUMN!"

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We've all been in this situation.

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Diddy's waterlogged corpse drifts to the bottom of Kremlantis in gaming's oddest kill screen.

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Fangfish, or racially insensitive blackface performer?

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Faced with substandard baddie design, Diddy finds no other option than to form a noose with his tail.

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Collecting a series of lowercase L's is presumably worth swimming in pixely sludge.

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Chomps Jrs take center stage, proving that they are the DKC series' Menendez brothers.

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They missed the "I" and "C".

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Horrible monkey streaks pantsless through an otherwise uneventful Kremlantis syncronized swimming competition.

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Rope burn or jock itch?  You decide.

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Bill Paxton should have seen this coming.

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About as close to legitimate ACTION SHOT as you can hope from this game.

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Donkey Kong presents himself to what appears to be a very tender and thorough lover.

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Someone tossed a sentient glob of mud inside this here clamshell.

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No matter which way you go, the game will still look like this.

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Everything about this image makes sense.

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At a certain point you just have to step back and wonder what, exactly, this screenshot is contributing to society.

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If this looks like fun to you, can you please explain to me what's going on?

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Clam shape, googly eyes, tongue flicking out from some untold recess... yep, in 1995 this was pretty much how I figured vaginas looked.

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Diddy caught in the crossfire of the historic Battle of the Sentient Clams.

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Donkey Kong Land's boss battles pack a whopping one screen of excitement into just a single screen!

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This is where it gets WEIRD.

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Diddy crawling around, looking for the bag of crisps he dropped.

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Fuck this "being able to have even the faintest idea what's going on on screen" nonsense!

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Presumably this galleon is suspended several hundred feet in the air. Happens to the best of us.

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"How's life, Rambs?"

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"I swear to god, I was flying around in the sky and there was a giant wasp and love hearts and a monkey in a barrel suspended in the air and... and... I am not mentally ill."

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Okay, now this is just taking the piss.

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What kind of vehicle to these tyres originate from, anyway?

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As situations go, this one is certainly novel.

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Another picture of Donkey Kong in a cave with a tyre.

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"Let's be mates!"

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"If only mum and dad could see me now..."

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"ALRIGHT MATE!"

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Seriously, who keeps leaving these fucking tyres everywhere? I haven't seen a single actual vehicle.

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Go, go, ostrich-o!

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Rocks and stuff.

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I need to stop smoking, this is ridiculous.

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That's nice.

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Now there's something you don't see every day.

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Who built these paths that lead directly from underground caves to THE SKY, anyway?

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Hard TWAT, more like.

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Where does he get his supply of hats from, incidentally? He must have an underground cache of the things. What a weirdo.

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Not pictured: Richard Branson.

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Assuming this is a populated city, this is the kind of thing that must grab the headlines.

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Blimpin' ain't easy!

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It's a shame they didn't experiment with other four-letter words in this level.

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Nothing to see here.

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Well, at least sentient tyres seem less out-of-context here.

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Wasn't there an episode of Mr. Bean that went more-or-less like this?

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Think I just saw Pauline fall to her death.

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Not many actual contruction workers around. Maybe it's a Bank Holiday.

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Blimp Design 101: copious supply of floating barrels and tyres.

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"WOT YOU LOOKIN' AT MATE?"

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Jungle, vegetation, wildlife, living tyres. It's almost a cliché.

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What you don't see is the shadowy figure stood in the window, touching himself.

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"I could actually just hang myself with this. RIGHT NOW."

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I'm no expert, but these windows don't look level at all.

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Seems perfectly safe to me.

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Bunch o' planks and an ape. I'm good at doing captions, me.

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It was 1995. Building site safety regulations weren't so stringent back then.

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You can tell you're in a nice neighbourhood when there's burning oil drums littered about the buildings.

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Big Ape City: the suicide capital of DK Isles.

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Why doesn't he just break in and take the stairs?

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What's K. Rool doing here anyway?

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K. Rool isn't embarassed about being bald.

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Wheeeeeeeee!

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Best ending to a game, ever.

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Oh dear, what a pity, never mind.

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